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The Night Before Christmas

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#1 Cdr Edward Gregg

Cdr Edward Gregg


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Posted Star Date 22012.24 @ 20:55 (08:55 PM)

A poem written by the then First Officer of the USS Ticonderoga.


The Night Before Christmas 
Stardate 21012.24 

By LCdr Tokat 

T’was the Night Before Christmas 
and all through the ship, 
no excitement was stirring 
no, not a bit. 

The phasers were locked 
in the armoury secured, 
in hopes that no red alerts 
soon would be heard. 

The Middies were off duty, 
their chores now all-done 
as Alpha Shift took over 
and manned their stations. 

As Paul slouched in his chair 
And I sat there in mine, 
we set off with the Tico 
to see what we could find. 

When suddenly the silence 
such a rumble did shatter 
that Paul shouted "Status Report" 
to see what was the matter. 

Donovan reported 
three damaged decks, 
then stammered and cried out, 
"W-What the Heck?!?" 

But no sooner did 
the man's curse this provoke 
than a well-armed Ferengi cruiser 
off the port bow did decloak. 

We were then hailed 
by a little man with ears fat 
We knew without a doubt 
it was Daimon Whodat. 

With nary a thought 
I shouted off the cuff, 
Red Alert! All Hand to Battlestations! 
And Miss Murphy, Shields Up! 

The Captain then signalled 
for her to comply, 
then called out the arsenal 
he was willing to try. 

"Arm Phasers, Charge Tractors 
Load torpedo bays Three, Four, and Five!... 
Check your fire, Miss Murphy, 
We'll take this bastard alive..." 

"Target their engines, 
out of warp make them fall, 
Now Fire Away! Fire Away! Fire Away, all!" 

With the flash of a star 
the barrage did ripple, 
till their shield flickered dim 
But alas, did not buckle. 

The shimmer of green 
from their forward disruptors 
impacted our shields 
and gave the Tico a shudder. 

A thunderous blow 
across the dorsal shield did land, 
as a trio of torpedoes 
came at us, spread out and fanned. 

A call came from Engineering, 
We'd lost the Warp Drive. 
It was up to Kaluhani to 
keep us alive. 

"Casualties in the hundreds!" 
Came the call from Pellew, 
As Paul wondered 
what we could do. 

Then from the back 
of the Bridge came a cry, 
It was Commander Gregg 
who had an idea to try. 

With impractical speech 
and more letters than Scrabble, 
he presented his idea 
with much technobabble. 

The idea was sound, 
the preparations were made, 
in hopes that the crew 
soon would be saved. 

With a silent prayer, 
Gregg threw the switch, 
and the Graviton Particle Beam 
bounced off the Main Deflector Dish. 

Whodat's ship was 
caught unawares, 
as a beam of pure Science 
ripped through his profit shares. 

"Away, Away.. 
Out of here, Warp Nine! 
Do you think I'd be dumb enough 
to stay here this time?" 

But I heard him proclaim 
as he warped out of view... 
"I'll get you for this Baggins... 
If it's the last thing I do!!!" 


Merry Christmas! 

"Peace on Earth, Good Will toward Men!" and Women.


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