AT/L01 - Captain's Log

[Tyra Crawford]

== Captain's Log ==

[Tyra Crawford]

Captain's Log
Stardate 22311.01
Captain Tyra Crawford recording:

I don't remember the Academy class or subsequent command training that would prepare me for Command's continual belief that I can just pull miracles out of my ass. And yet, here we are. Again.

Captain Braggins and I were summoned to a briefing on Operation Ursa Major. It turns out that the USS Callisto was not destroyed due to general incompetence and instead managed to be captured by the Cardassians, though what befell the missing crew is unknown.

Starfleet has decided that the Callisto needs to be recovered to protect the slipstream technology, though no Intel exists that the crew has any survivors. I'd like to think that crew recovery is why we're taking a more hands-on approach but I think it's truthfully chalked up to a lack of balls or spine.

The most effective route would be an orbital strike that destroys Callisto but I believe Command is afraid of the optics of such an action. Instead, they want a team to infiltrate and steal the Callisto back. However, they're too impatient or maybe prideful to ask for SEJO's help so the Artemis, once again, is the clean up service for the Fleet. If we fail, we'll likely be considered a rogue element and will be left out to dry. Can't say it's the first time I heard that one but what a way to say w every person matters.

The plan that was provided to Braggins and I was terrible and quite frankly, would have guaranteed a suicide mission. Coleman and I were able to devise a working plan of infiltrating and taking over the Callisto but Coleman did not have any input in the plan to reach Callisto. Lieutenant Commander Elias and myself are solely responsible for the transit plan and its execution.

The team Coleman and I selected is the best group we could hope to have. Coleman's team will take engineering and mine will take the bridge. Despite hiccups in the briefing with Calleja, I believe she will provide me with excellent back up and I hope that Coleman's team has his back. Success is paramount.

I understand that war hangs in the balance. Our success or failure will have wide ranging consequences. If we fail, we risk war and if we don't succeed in the right way, we risk war. A rock and a hard place, if I've ever seen it.

I don't know how this will go but if this is my final mission as the Commanding Officer of the Artemis, for one reason or another, it's been an honor and a pleasure. I hope her next captain isn't shackled with such lofty expectations at every turn.

Personal Log, Supplemental:

Thomas, if you're reading this, then the worst happened and I'm sorry. Cera would have made sure you got the letter, along with the others that needed to be delivered, but while it said all the things that needed to be said after thirteen long, hard but amazing years together, it didn't offer the closure you're undoubtedly seeking.

I'm sure you're angry and likely feel that I threw everything we've fought for away for a moment of thrill and a stroke of ego. It's not an unfair assumption to reach given my actions of the past but it's not true either. The younger woman you met all those years ago did crave the thrill of war but war is a young man's game. I'm not exactly young anymore.

We've talked many times of what brought us to the Fleet. You joined because it was the best place to seek the knowledge you desired and make a difference. I joined because the weight of duty and legacy have sat on my shoulders for more years than I can count and it felt like an inevitability. I was young when I first felt the pull, like a rope around my waist, and war only made the pull seem unbreakable.

I don't want that for Evie. I don't want her to feel like there is an obligation in her veins to serve the Federation. I don't want her to see the uniform as an inevitability but if we end up at war, she will. I know she will. The same for Ethan. They deserve a sea of opportunity, to be their own masters, not to serve at the whim of men.

And if we end up at war with our current personnel situation, they'll call people back, like you. Thomas, you've paid your dues and you don't need to make hard decisions during another difficult war.

The plan laid out is going forward regardless and if not executed well, it will end up in war. I needed to see this through myself, not for the glory or the thrill, but to try to make sure it ends as well as possible.

You can scoff, if you're that mad at me, but these decisions were made with us in mind. I hope once you've grieved that you'll be able to see that, that you'll remember that motherhood changed me as did you. I hope that you know, deep down, that love has been a driving factor in my decisions for the last years and this is no different.

I hope you never see this, that the plan goes well and I make it back to face your anger personally. It's deserved.

Even if I survive, I don't know if I can fix the collateral damage that's going to be everywhere. Professionally. Personally. What a fall from grace. It's likely they'll spin it to save political face, paint my decisions as altruism and selflessness: the golden child that was so devoted to the Federation that she tarnished her wings to stave off war. A bold faced lie; there's no altruism here. Just selfishness.

I'm tired of war. I'm tired of being the angel of death, notifying families of their lost children. I'm tired of losing friends. And I'm terrified that in 15 to 20 years, we'll be the ones getting a knock on the door. The irony is that what we're doing might be the opening volley of war but at least then, I know we tried and I know that, maybe, we'll have beat back the tides of war before Evie or Ethan are old enough to truly feel that inevitable obligation.

I love you. I need you to know, to believe, that everything I've done has been influenced by that, not in spite of it. I know it probably doesn't feel that way now but love has made people do great and terrible things, no different than this. And I'd do it again, if needed. Time and again.

End Log.