07-17-2025, 09:30 PM
"If you want to end it, then end it, I'm clearly not the right person for you, and after all the ****ing effort I put into this, for what to be told .... I can't deal with this right now, I really can't."
Beka had been mostly silent as Aeryn spoke, but that changed. Her stare hardened.
“You put effort in? When?” the doctor bit back. “Who made the first move? Who had to plan the dates? Who had to initiate every damn time? That’s right. Me. You’ve been holding back since day 1. And now, it turns out, you had it in there all the time. You just never wanted to show that side to me unless it’s to tell me to fuck off.”
It was like a dam had burst, and now emotion was coursing out of Sydesh like a tidal wave. Her normally pale skin had flushed beet red.
“As for ignoring the haters. Maybe at first. But lately? You’ll tell me I’m imagining it but I see those looks. ‘Now what’s she doing?’ ‘Stop that.’ ‘Calm down.’ But I can’t. I am what I am.”
Beka’s open hand beat against her chest a few times to emphasise her point before dropping back to her lap as a tear welled up at the corner of her eye.
“I don’t give a shit about the opinions of 99.9% of this crew. But I cared about yours, whenever you’d actually tell me what they were. And yeah, maybe at this point, I am a little paranoid. Everyone just loves to take their shots. That’s all I’ve ever known and apparently all I ever will.”
Her lip curled in a snarl at ‘loves’.
“Whatever boy toy you go and get yourself when I’m gone, I hope you’re very happy together. And I hope for his sake you don’t lose interest,” she finished bitterly.
Just as quickly as it had appeared, the anger and the venom evaporated and Beka sagged back onto the couch. Her shoulders shook as the grief and the feeling of loss overwhelmed her. She wept bitterly, crying ugly tears and trying to gulp in air as she buried her head in her hands.
Beka had been mostly silent as Aeryn spoke, but that changed. Her stare hardened.
“You put effort in? When?” the doctor bit back. “Who made the first move? Who had to plan the dates? Who had to initiate every damn time? That’s right. Me. You’ve been holding back since day 1. And now, it turns out, you had it in there all the time. You just never wanted to show that side to me unless it’s to tell me to fuck off.”
It was like a dam had burst, and now emotion was coursing out of Sydesh like a tidal wave. Her normally pale skin had flushed beet red.
“As for ignoring the haters. Maybe at first. But lately? You’ll tell me I’m imagining it but I see those looks. ‘Now what’s she doing?’ ‘Stop that.’ ‘Calm down.’ But I can’t. I am what I am.”
Beka’s open hand beat against her chest a few times to emphasise her point before dropping back to her lap as a tear welled up at the corner of her eye.
“I don’t give a shit about the opinions of 99.9% of this crew. But I cared about yours, whenever you’d actually tell me what they were. And yeah, maybe at this point, I am a little paranoid. Everyone just loves to take their shots. That’s all I’ve ever known and apparently all I ever will.”
Her lip curled in a snarl at ‘loves’.
“Whatever boy toy you go and get yourself when I’m gone, I hope you’re very happy together. And I hope for his sake you don’t lose interest,” she finished bitterly.
Just as quickly as it had appeared, the anger and the venom evaporated and Beka sagged back onto the couch. Her shoulders shook as the grief and the feeling of loss overwhelmed her. She wept bitterly, crying ugly tears and trying to gulp in air as she buried her head in her hands.