03-02-2026, 02:38 AM
Not for the first time, Mara felt like Tyra was something of a kindred spirit, especially as the redhead talked about her own fiery temper back when she’d started out.
"Experience will temper it some but you'll likely come to realize the same thing I did. Anger can be useful when controlled but it'll eat you alive and rule you otherwise. You have too much potential for that, Mara."
The CO tipped her glass. There was just the faintest flush of colour to the Bandaran’s cheeks at the praise before she returned the gesture with a nod and a half-salute with the coffee mug.
"With all of that in mind, anything you want to get off your chest or rage against? I won't take any offense, I promise," Crawford finished.
Calleja was quiet for a moment as she thought through what she wanted to say. This was pretty much what she’d come up for, a chance to speak honestly. But there was still a reluctance to admit her own shortcomings to a senior officer, and it caught her tongue.
Oh for fuck’s sake. I came this far. Out with it.
“I think my rage has already caused us both enough problems for one lifetime,” she replied with a wry smile. “It ain’t that that’s got me up here. I gotta admit, I am here for some advice though. ‘Cause I’m strugglin’ to process everythin’ that happened, ‘specially on that colony. I’ve been around death my whole life. I’ve killed… Let’s leave it at, a lot o’ people. But there’s somethin’ about bein’ sat there whilst they do it themselves that hits different and it hits hard. And it’s left me feelin’ all contemplative.”
She took a sip from her mug to wet her throat.
“I’m just feelin’ a bit adrift, if that makes any sense?” Mara confessed. “Everythin’ is changin’ around me, and I’m changin’ right along with it. A year ago, 18 months ago, I was a line officer who was clingin’ onto my homeworld and a massive inferiority complex, and puttin’ walls up to keep everyone out. Now I look in the mirror, I’m Chief of Security on Artemis, and the right hand of a fuckin’ legend.”
She grinned at that, the esteem she held Tyra in plain as day. It was no blind deference - Mara wasn’t capable of that. But she had more respect for Crawford than she’d had for anyone in a very very long time.
“I’ve got friends around me, and I’m actually lettin’ ‘em in to the point where I’m performin’ and lettin’ people see how much music means to me and how much I enjoy it,” she added. “And I feel like I’ve left Bandar behind me, like way way behind me. I thought I’d serve a few years in Star Fleet, then go home and do my part. But that’s not what I want any more. I’ve got a taste for this now. I want to see how far I can go, how much of an impact I can really make. Which all feels great, genuinely. I never thought any of this would happen, let alone all of it so quickly. But…”
Broad shoulders rose and fell as the Security Chief sighed.
“It does mean I’ve moved past pretty much everythin’ I used to hold on to,” Calleja admitted. “Everythin’ that anchored me is gone. And I’m kinda wingin’ it and hopin’ nobody notices. It’s makin’ me second-guess myself ‘cause nothin’ is familiar. I didn’t get up in rank by accident, so some of the stuff I was doin’ was good. But how do I mix that with the progress I gotta show now I got a new job, and those lofty new expectations that come with the office and palatial fuckin’ quarters and that really really bright fuckin’ spotlight we’re all under.”
She shook her head and chuckled quietly.
“Sorry. I’m ramblin’ again.” Mara chided herself softly. “I guess what I’m sayin’ is, it’s a lot to handle. How did you adjust when you moved up? Was there anythin’ that helped keep you steady that might work for me as well?”
== To you! ==
"Experience will temper it some but you'll likely come to realize the same thing I did. Anger can be useful when controlled but it'll eat you alive and rule you otherwise. You have too much potential for that, Mara."
The CO tipped her glass. There was just the faintest flush of colour to the Bandaran’s cheeks at the praise before she returned the gesture with a nod and a half-salute with the coffee mug.
"With all of that in mind, anything you want to get off your chest or rage against? I won't take any offense, I promise," Crawford finished.
Calleja was quiet for a moment as she thought through what she wanted to say. This was pretty much what she’d come up for, a chance to speak honestly. But there was still a reluctance to admit her own shortcomings to a senior officer, and it caught her tongue.
Oh for fuck’s sake. I came this far. Out with it.
“I think my rage has already caused us both enough problems for one lifetime,” she replied with a wry smile. “It ain’t that that’s got me up here. I gotta admit, I am here for some advice though. ‘Cause I’m strugglin’ to process everythin’ that happened, ‘specially on that colony. I’ve been around death my whole life. I’ve killed… Let’s leave it at, a lot o’ people. But there’s somethin’ about bein’ sat there whilst they do it themselves that hits different and it hits hard. And it’s left me feelin’ all contemplative.”
She took a sip from her mug to wet her throat.
“I’m just feelin’ a bit adrift, if that makes any sense?” Mara confessed. “Everythin’ is changin’ around me, and I’m changin’ right along with it. A year ago, 18 months ago, I was a line officer who was clingin’ onto my homeworld and a massive inferiority complex, and puttin’ walls up to keep everyone out. Now I look in the mirror, I’m Chief of Security on Artemis, and the right hand of a fuckin’ legend.”
She grinned at that, the esteem she held Tyra in plain as day. It was no blind deference - Mara wasn’t capable of that. But she had more respect for Crawford than she’d had for anyone in a very very long time.
“I’ve got friends around me, and I’m actually lettin’ ‘em in to the point where I’m performin’ and lettin’ people see how much music means to me and how much I enjoy it,” she added. “And I feel like I’ve left Bandar behind me, like way way behind me. I thought I’d serve a few years in Star Fleet, then go home and do my part. But that’s not what I want any more. I’ve got a taste for this now. I want to see how far I can go, how much of an impact I can really make. Which all feels great, genuinely. I never thought any of this would happen, let alone all of it so quickly. But…”
Broad shoulders rose and fell as the Security Chief sighed.
“It does mean I’ve moved past pretty much everythin’ I used to hold on to,” Calleja admitted. “Everythin’ that anchored me is gone. And I’m kinda wingin’ it and hopin’ nobody notices. It’s makin’ me second-guess myself ‘cause nothin’ is familiar. I didn’t get up in rank by accident, so some of the stuff I was doin’ was good. But how do I mix that with the progress I gotta show now I got a new job, and those lofty new expectations that come with the office and palatial fuckin’ quarters and that really really bright fuckin’ spotlight we’re all under.”
She shook her head and chuckled quietly.
“Sorry. I’m ramblin’ again.” Mara chided herself softly. “I guess what I’m sayin’ is, it’s a lot to handle. How did you adjust when you moved up? Was there anythin’ that helped keep you steady that might work for me as well?”
== To you! ==