04-20-2026, 09:57 PM
== Enroute to Earth ==
== CSO Office - Science Complex ==
It wasn’t so much what they encountered, but who was doing the sending. Lucy had been letting her doubts fester. Aeryn had been her first CSO. Lucy had been paired with her on Utopia Planitia. Lucy felt she’d put up a good pretence after Dvorak, but she’d let her composure slip with the saboteur. Seeing a crying woman had caused her to put everything in jeopardy including her own life. A desperate person was not someone you comforted.
The Brittany had unfortunately turned out to be a trap. Then there was the ship they’d had to steal back from the Cardassians. Starfleet had arrested Benjamin Elias after they’d got back and Damian Coleman before they’d left on the most recent mission. Lucy wasn’t the picture of mental health, yet Aeryn was trying to salvage her, if it was even possible.
“How do you get over losing someone? I’d go from one mission to another just doing the work being there. Slowly losing confidence in Starfleet and myself. I met Zherru and thought I’d found my anchor. Then she died saving me.
“I don’t think I’d feel the way I do at the moment if I hadn’t seen those clones. We’re sent to so many places for so many reasons. Knowing that being there serves a purpose.
“It’s easy to pass for normal when you do the job in front of you and don’t stand out much. I like small social situations, but don’t know how to react to discord. There are times when I feel like there’s something wrong with me, but I don’t know what it is.”
Lucy got up and put the mug back in the replicator. She watched the computer dereplicate the mug. Lucy liked botany from an observation standpoint. What was the point in burdening Aeryn with her doubts and inadequacies? Lucy knew she had failed Zherru and felt no stability in herself.
What was she looking for? She wanted to be out among the stars. To find that all that she had experienced had some purpose. Life was suffocating. Lucy wanted the oblivion of sleep, but the longer she ignored her feelings the worse they’d get. She wanted to be able to coexist with her emotions, not let herself trample herself with every little emotional scar.
She hesitated before sitting down again. She needed to leave, to stop wasting Aeryn’s time. She wanted to stop feeling like this, to stop feeling that she should never have enrolled in Starfleet. She had been in Starfleet for too long and still felt like she’d done nothing. She was not useless. She had skills, sort of.
There were too many words in her head and nothing sounded right. Even when she spoke she couldn’t make herself coherent. There was nothing truly taxing in being a Science Officer. Her difficulty was in being Lucy Devereaux at the same time,
== tag. ==
== CSO Office - Science Complex ==
It wasn’t so much what they encountered, but who was doing the sending. Lucy had been letting her doubts fester. Aeryn had been her first CSO. Lucy had been paired with her on Utopia Planitia. Lucy felt she’d put up a good pretence after Dvorak, but she’d let her composure slip with the saboteur. Seeing a crying woman had caused her to put everything in jeopardy including her own life. A desperate person was not someone you comforted.
The Brittany had unfortunately turned out to be a trap. Then there was the ship they’d had to steal back from the Cardassians. Starfleet had arrested Benjamin Elias after they’d got back and Damian Coleman before they’d left on the most recent mission. Lucy wasn’t the picture of mental health, yet Aeryn was trying to salvage her, if it was even possible.
“How do you get over losing someone? I’d go from one mission to another just doing the work being there. Slowly losing confidence in Starfleet and myself. I met Zherru and thought I’d found my anchor. Then she died saving me.
“I don’t think I’d feel the way I do at the moment if I hadn’t seen those clones. We’re sent to so many places for so many reasons. Knowing that being there serves a purpose.
“It’s easy to pass for normal when you do the job in front of you and don’t stand out much. I like small social situations, but don’t know how to react to discord. There are times when I feel like there’s something wrong with me, but I don’t know what it is.”
Lucy got up and put the mug back in the replicator. She watched the computer dereplicate the mug. Lucy liked botany from an observation standpoint. What was the point in burdening Aeryn with her doubts and inadequacies? Lucy knew she had failed Zherru and felt no stability in herself.
What was she looking for? She wanted to be out among the stars. To find that all that she had experienced had some purpose. Life was suffocating. Lucy wanted the oblivion of sleep, but the longer she ignored her feelings the worse they’d get. She wanted to be able to coexist with her emotions, not let herself trample herself with every little emotional scar.
She hesitated before sitting down again. She needed to leave, to stop wasting Aeryn’s time. She wanted to stop feeling like this, to stop feeling that she should never have enrolled in Starfleet. She had been in Starfleet for too long and still felt like she’d done nothing. She was not useless. She had skills, sort of.
There were too many words in her head and nothing sounded right. Even when she spoke she couldn’t make herself coherent. There was nothing truly taxing in being a Science Officer. Her difficulty was in being Lucy Devereaux at the same time,
== tag. ==