06-04-2024, 04:02 AM
(This post was last modified: 06-04-2024, 04:16 AM by Tyra Crawford.)
It felt like a rock dropped straight to her gut as her words clearly found their mark. She wish she could have said they'd been aimed with the purpose of bringing just a little fight to Ben, that they'd been aimed with a little less malice, but right that second, she felt like she was clawing for any purchase on a mountain side that was constantly changing and all she was doing was making it worse.
The burning in the back of her throat matched the burning behind her eyes as she closed her eyes, her head tipping forward just enough that she felt the tiny whisps of hair that framed her face singe. "I'm sorry. I don't... I'm sorry," she said, her voice cracking uncharacteristically.
She wasn't sure whether Nathan was trying to keep her from tipping into the forcefield when his hands grasped her shoulders or if he was trying to offer some level of comfort. What she did know was that he was right to be worried about the former as she heard Ben weeping, knowing that she'd cut that path when she should have been doing the exact opposite. She should have been protecting him, that had been the plan, not tearing him down.
"****..." She wanted to bat Nathan's hands away out of defiance, to summon some more of her anger to drown out the guilt that was swirling and gnawing, but instead, one of her hands betrayed her, squeezing one of his in silent appreciation.
She could hear Nathan apologizing over the rushing of blood in her ears and she took the chance to rock back slightly, her hand finding its way to her face in an attempt to swipe away any liquid that might have escaped. She knew she wasn't fully successful but she also wasn't sure she cared.
She had been so certain that the cards had been dealt in their favor for once. Yes, the mission had been terrible and unfair but the evidence had been plausibly destroyed. There was no way anyone would believe an eyewitness of two from the Philly of all places over her but Ben... loyal, good but stupid Ben had taken it up on himself to fall on the sword like an idiot.
“We should probably go,” Nathan finally said after a moment to Tyra, “before someone sees all of us together and assumes we are colluding.”
She swallowed, her head nodding ever so slightly but she didn't move even as Nathan offered what sounded an awful lot like a good bye. But given all the cards that were on the table at the moment, maybe that was warranted, maybe it was needed.
"Ben... I don't want you to think that's what I think of you. I'm sorry. You..." She swallowed, trying to force the lump in her throat back down to a manageable position. It wouldn't budge, kind of like she couldn't quite blink away the stinging in her eyes. "I could not have asked for a better Chief, a better officer or a better friend. You have exceeded every expectation I've had. I just wish you hadn't tried to fall on my sword," she said, the last punctuated by what might have been a sniffle.
She turned just a little so she could see both Nathan and Ben, her blue eyes shining just a little. "I love you both as if you were my flesh and blood so I mean it when I say I will do everything in my power to keep you out of this and you from gutting yourself further. Just let me this time, I owe you both that much," she said softly, almost pleading.
"And for the love of everything holy, please keep your mouth shut until your rep gets here. Please," she added, her voice taking on just a hint of edge, likely as a deflection, but it was entirely lacking from her expression as she watched Ben for a second longer before turning away.
He was by no means the first officer of hers she'd visited in the bridge but usually, they were there fully of their own stupidity. While Ben had certainly hastened his arrival with his own stupidity, she couldn't help but feel that she'd paved his road to Hell and that was a sickening feeling that she wasn't certain she could make peace with.
"What a mess..." she muttered softly.
== Tag! ==
The burning in the back of her throat matched the burning behind her eyes as she closed her eyes, her head tipping forward just enough that she felt the tiny whisps of hair that framed her face singe. "I'm sorry. I don't... I'm sorry," she said, her voice cracking uncharacteristically.
She wasn't sure whether Nathan was trying to keep her from tipping into the forcefield when his hands grasped her shoulders or if he was trying to offer some level of comfort. What she did know was that he was right to be worried about the former as she heard Ben weeping, knowing that she'd cut that path when she should have been doing the exact opposite. She should have been protecting him, that had been the plan, not tearing him down.
"****..." She wanted to bat Nathan's hands away out of defiance, to summon some more of her anger to drown out the guilt that was swirling and gnawing, but instead, one of her hands betrayed her, squeezing one of his in silent appreciation.
She could hear Nathan apologizing over the rushing of blood in her ears and she took the chance to rock back slightly, her hand finding its way to her face in an attempt to swipe away any liquid that might have escaped. She knew she wasn't fully successful but she also wasn't sure she cared.
She had been so certain that the cards had been dealt in their favor for once. Yes, the mission had been terrible and unfair but the evidence had been plausibly destroyed. There was no way anyone would believe an eyewitness of two from the Philly of all places over her but Ben... loyal, good but stupid Ben had taken it up on himself to fall on the sword like an idiot.
“We should probably go,” Nathan finally said after a moment to Tyra, “before someone sees all of us together and assumes we are colluding.”
She swallowed, her head nodding ever so slightly but she didn't move even as Nathan offered what sounded an awful lot like a good bye. But given all the cards that were on the table at the moment, maybe that was warranted, maybe it was needed.
"Ben... I don't want you to think that's what I think of you. I'm sorry. You..." She swallowed, trying to force the lump in her throat back down to a manageable position. It wouldn't budge, kind of like she couldn't quite blink away the stinging in her eyes. "I could not have asked for a better Chief, a better officer or a better friend. You have exceeded every expectation I've had. I just wish you hadn't tried to fall on my sword," she said, the last punctuated by what might have been a sniffle.
She turned just a little so she could see both Nathan and Ben, her blue eyes shining just a little. "I love you both as if you were my flesh and blood so I mean it when I say I will do everything in my power to keep you out of this and you from gutting yourself further. Just let me this time, I owe you both that much," she said softly, almost pleading.
"And for the love of everything holy, please keep your mouth shut until your rep gets here. Please," she added, her voice taking on just a hint of edge, likely as a deflection, but it was entirely lacking from her expression as she watched Ben for a second longer before turning away.
He was by no means the first officer of hers she'd visited in the bridge but usually, they were there fully of their own stupidity. While Ben had certainly hastened his arrival with his own stupidity, she couldn't help but feel that she'd paved his road to Hell and that was a sickening feeling that she wasn't certain she could make peace with.
"What a mess..." she muttered softly.
== Tag! ==