06-08-2024, 04:11 AM
The door chime almost didn't register, her blue eyes slowly flickering up as she considered the possibilities. Her schedule has been cleared as soon as the investigators requested their meeting, thanks to Cera's constant consideration. It was likely Cera herself or maybe, Alex deciding they couldn't wait to prep. Or maybe Chase.
She couldn't think of anyone else brave or stupid enough otherwise.
"Come in," she stated rather blandly.
Her blue eyes had dropped back to the glass in her hand by the time the door opened. It took her a second longer than it should have to realize there was no one breezing into the room, no one throwing her a buoyancy device to pull her out of the riptide. Instead, her first officer was hesitating in the door way like he wasn't quite certain of what he was walking into.
She motioned him in when he asked haltingly, even motioning towards the bottle and suggesting he at least pour himself some. After all, they might as well start on level ground if they were going to do this.
She stayed quiet as he poured himself a generous glass, watching him over the rim of her own glass as he settled into a chair across from her. She merely hummed in response to his question, figuring there wasn't much confirmation needed.
It took very little to wait Damian out, words bubbling to the surface. She'd grimaced as he'd recounted a similar fate to her own with their files being dug through and equal frustration with Ben's actions. And yet, she knew that neither of those facts were why they were there.
Oh, she knew he was upset at the thought of his past being dug back up and he had every right to be. She understood that feeling intimately now that she knew the same was being done to her. All of her sins unearthed and exposed for examination by people with no context and no desire to find it. However, that wasn't why he was here.
“This ain’t a great time to talk, I know,” he started.
Here we go... she thought and without any conscious consideration, she threw the remainder of her glass back before pouring herself some more.
Her glass was settled back in her hand in time for him to really focus on her, his liquid courage working in full strength.
"But what is going on between us? Have you lost trust in me? I struggled since we came back to figure out if I did something for you to feel like you can’t tell me things. Like the big thing that has us in so much hot water now. I was damn mad at the time, I ain’t gonna lie. And you can’t fault me for that, cause I’m pretty damn sure you would be too if you were in my shoes. But I get that one. I understand it to a degree. Trying to protect us all. That makes sense even if I don’t agree with it.”
As he'd spoke, she's leaned forward with her elbows on her knees again, watching him closely. He wasn't saying anything that shocked her; she hadn't been unaware of his feelings on her subterfuge and she'd been well aware that there would be a reckoning on it. However, she could tell he wasn't done so she kept her mouth closed as he kept going.
And kept going he did, right into the topic that seemed to bother him the most. She didn't even bother hiding the slight twitch of her eyebrow at that revelation, tucking it away for future reference.
“But this thing with Ensign Eun? You couldn’t have given me a heads-up on that? I had to find out by literally bumping into her? C’mon now. I get we’ve both been busy, hella busy with some real serious stuff, but a simple message and I could have been made aware. Or, heck, we could have had a good ol’fashioned sit down chat about it and whether or not my relationship with her was serious or not.”
“I’ve been a mushroom before, under other commands, Captain Peck for one; getting fed shit and kept in the dark. I never thought I’d feel that way again, and definitely not with you, but damn Tyra it sure does feel like I’m halfway there again.”
She watched him for a few moments, blue eyes seeming to access and evaluate. She carefully shifted her glass to rest in one hand, her knee offering additional support as her free hand moved up to her collar. It was with practiced ease that she plucked each pip out of its place before dropping them onto the coffee table with a clank.
"This isn't a captain and commander conversation," she said simply. "Just Tyra and Damian."
Now, she was the one taking a hefty mouthful of whiskey.
"It wasn't a matter of trust, not even the slightest. If it had been, don't you think Jenny would have known? Because she got blind sided with everyone else," she said calmly, letting it settle for a moment before continuing. "Whether right or wrong, giving everyone plausible deniability seemed like the best option."
"And if Ben hadn't had a bought of immense stupidity, it might have worked. All the same, I'm sorry; I really was just trying to protect everyone as much as possible. But I have been in your shoes and I understand how maddening it is. That wasn't what I wanted and maybe, if I'd enlisted your help, we might have prevented Ben's confession but what's done is done. What I can tell you is that I do trust you with my ship, my crew and Hell, my life. I never wanted you to doubt that."
She took another sip, her fingers toying with the rim of the glass.
"For what it's worth, they're trying to dig up my skeletons too. I don't know what they're looking for but," she motioned to the PADD on the coffee table, "they're asking questions about things that predate me ever taking command. Things that should be long dead."
Her lips pressed together and she broke eye contact, her eyes examining the contents of her glass as she spoke. "You know as well as I know that if they want to get you, they'll find a way to get you. No one is perfect, no one follows every policy to the letter and if they want to find something, they eventually will. I think that's where we are…"
The burn seemed to last a little longer on the next sip, and she savored it, even as an almost out of place chuckle escaped her lips. "As for Ensign Eun, would you really have reacted well at all to me asking you if you're ******* an ensign when we haven't even been able to be in the same room for the last almost two weeks? And you would not have appreciated any of my commentary on the matter."
"But truthfully, this felt like a "damned if I do, damned if I don't" situation. If I asked you, you get to accuse me of meddling and if I don't, I get accused of not communicating. Honestly, I'd rather it be none of my business that my first officer decided to pursue an ensign that hasn’t even been in the field for six months. Or maybe even three. But it became my business when she requested a transfer and it felt like talking to her about it would cause me less headaches."
Now, Tyra paused, clearly weighing something. Absently, she reached out to toy with her loose pips for a moment before seeming to make her decision. "I also wanted to talk to her first because I wanted to see what I was dealing with without having any preconceptions from talking to you. Once upon a time, I was a very, very young officer head over heels for her first officer and I was just as naïve and giddy as Miss Eun, as shocking as that might sound. And no one did anything to protect me from all of the side effects that come from such a relationship. I don't want that to happen to her or you."
== Tag!==
She couldn't think of anyone else brave or stupid enough otherwise.
"Come in," she stated rather blandly.
Her blue eyes had dropped back to the glass in her hand by the time the door opened. It took her a second longer than it should have to realize there was no one breezing into the room, no one throwing her a buoyancy device to pull her out of the riptide. Instead, her first officer was hesitating in the door way like he wasn't quite certain of what he was walking into.
She motioned him in when he asked haltingly, even motioning towards the bottle and suggesting he at least pour himself some. After all, they might as well start on level ground if they were going to do this.
She stayed quiet as he poured himself a generous glass, watching him over the rim of her own glass as he settled into a chair across from her. She merely hummed in response to his question, figuring there wasn't much confirmation needed.
It took very little to wait Damian out, words bubbling to the surface. She'd grimaced as he'd recounted a similar fate to her own with their files being dug through and equal frustration with Ben's actions. And yet, she knew that neither of those facts were why they were there.
Oh, she knew he was upset at the thought of his past being dug back up and he had every right to be. She understood that feeling intimately now that she knew the same was being done to her. All of her sins unearthed and exposed for examination by people with no context and no desire to find it. However, that wasn't why he was here.
“This ain’t a great time to talk, I know,” he started.
Here we go... she thought and without any conscious consideration, she threw the remainder of her glass back before pouring herself some more.
Her glass was settled back in her hand in time for him to really focus on her, his liquid courage working in full strength.
"But what is going on between us? Have you lost trust in me? I struggled since we came back to figure out if I did something for you to feel like you can’t tell me things. Like the big thing that has us in so much hot water now. I was damn mad at the time, I ain’t gonna lie. And you can’t fault me for that, cause I’m pretty damn sure you would be too if you were in my shoes. But I get that one. I understand it to a degree. Trying to protect us all. That makes sense even if I don’t agree with it.”
As he'd spoke, she's leaned forward with her elbows on her knees again, watching him closely. He wasn't saying anything that shocked her; she hadn't been unaware of his feelings on her subterfuge and she'd been well aware that there would be a reckoning on it. However, she could tell he wasn't done so she kept her mouth closed as he kept going.
And kept going he did, right into the topic that seemed to bother him the most. She didn't even bother hiding the slight twitch of her eyebrow at that revelation, tucking it away for future reference.
“But this thing with Ensign Eun? You couldn’t have given me a heads-up on that? I had to find out by literally bumping into her? C’mon now. I get we’ve both been busy, hella busy with some real serious stuff, but a simple message and I could have been made aware. Or, heck, we could have had a good ol’fashioned sit down chat about it and whether or not my relationship with her was serious or not.”
“I’ve been a mushroom before, under other commands, Captain Peck for one; getting fed shit and kept in the dark. I never thought I’d feel that way again, and definitely not with you, but damn Tyra it sure does feel like I’m halfway there again.”
She watched him for a few moments, blue eyes seeming to access and evaluate. She carefully shifted her glass to rest in one hand, her knee offering additional support as her free hand moved up to her collar. It was with practiced ease that she plucked each pip out of its place before dropping them onto the coffee table with a clank.
"This isn't a captain and commander conversation," she said simply. "Just Tyra and Damian."
Now, she was the one taking a hefty mouthful of whiskey.
"It wasn't a matter of trust, not even the slightest. If it had been, don't you think Jenny would have known? Because she got blind sided with everyone else," she said calmly, letting it settle for a moment before continuing. "Whether right or wrong, giving everyone plausible deniability seemed like the best option."
"And if Ben hadn't had a bought of immense stupidity, it might have worked. All the same, I'm sorry; I really was just trying to protect everyone as much as possible. But I have been in your shoes and I understand how maddening it is. That wasn't what I wanted and maybe, if I'd enlisted your help, we might have prevented Ben's confession but what's done is done. What I can tell you is that I do trust you with my ship, my crew and Hell, my life. I never wanted you to doubt that."
She took another sip, her fingers toying with the rim of the glass.
"For what it's worth, they're trying to dig up my skeletons too. I don't know what they're looking for but," she motioned to the PADD on the coffee table, "they're asking questions about things that predate me ever taking command. Things that should be long dead."
Her lips pressed together and she broke eye contact, her eyes examining the contents of her glass as she spoke. "You know as well as I know that if they want to get you, they'll find a way to get you. No one is perfect, no one follows every policy to the letter and if they want to find something, they eventually will. I think that's where we are…"
The burn seemed to last a little longer on the next sip, and she savored it, even as an almost out of place chuckle escaped her lips. "As for Ensign Eun, would you really have reacted well at all to me asking you if you're ******* an ensign when we haven't even been able to be in the same room for the last almost two weeks? And you would not have appreciated any of my commentary on the matter."
"But truthfully, this felt like a "damned if I do, damned if I don't" situation. If I asked you, you get to accuse me of meddling and if I don't, I get accused of not communicating. Honestly, I'd rather it be none of my business that my first officer decided to pursue an ensign that hasn’t even been in the field for six months. Or maybe even three. But it became my business when she requested a transfer and it felt like talking to her about it would cause me less headaches."
Now, Tyra paused, clearly weighing something. Absently, she reached out to toy with her loose pips for a moment before seeming to make her decision. "I also wanted to talk to her first because I wanted to see what I was dealing with without having any preconceptions from talking to you. Once upon a time, I was a very, very young officer head over heels for her first officer and I was just as naïve and giddy as Miss Eun, as shocking as that might sound. And no one did anything to protect me from all of the side effects that come from such a relationship. I don't want that to happen to her or you."
== Tag!==